Friday, September 16, 2011

Dear doctor

Dear doctor,
                I don’t know why I’m having a thought to write n spit it out all these crappy things to u.(‘.’)?....i’m having sort of conflict, interior which means not so good as it sounds. I was wondering what my decision now is. i’m agree with that but at the same time I don’t agree.. I’m mad, and I can be lean n ignored all that.
Right now it seems like I don’t have any commitment to him but clearly we’re some sort of bonded to each other. We’re texting nites and mornings all these days (preferably I should say months). And I just don’t get it. U’ve been so nice to me n I love it! (act I’m afraid of your kindness because its killing me deep inside). Completely suffocated with the uncertainty feeling.*headache.
Nvm, as long as we’re comfortable with each other right now. But what about having the same feeling but it just doesn’t came out from each other’s mouth? As if we’re pretending that this things are going as smooth towards the end of it. Technically, either I or he is going to fix things on or else, we’re just like a stupid person having heartless n mindless feelings. My patience is really being tested.*Sheesh!
Tend to wonder what happened. And where everything is’s gone. For the sake of clarity, please be honest with me.(;
Right now, maybe it’s just me. It eats you up and you don’t know what to do because you can’t really do anything and it gets you . grr . the unknown , unplanned , uncharted . analogy - like missing the last formula to an addmath equation ; not being able to msg your friend because your phone is cranky (ish !) sigh ; forgetting something just a the tip of your tongue ; and wishing that something might happen but not knowing if it is ever going to or not , and when will it happen ..

Friday, September 2, 2011

Blissful Eid

It's not too late wishing Eid Mubarak to all!
A year again passed by, and i'm grateful to celebrate another joyous Aidilfitri with family and friends.

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Whoever fasts Ramadhan then follows it with six days of Shawwaal, it will be as if he fasted his lifetime."- Sahih Muslim

Let the strength we have in Ramadhan be keep and truly remain for the celebration of Eid Ul Fitr this year. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The next we have

lets proceed
to give u what u need
*music on*

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say
I've gone mad
But they don't know
what I know

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away~

Saturday, June 18, 2011

How to let go of suffering

Many of us from all walks of life and at every level of society have become addicted to suffering. Our addiction reaches such an extent that even when everything seems to be going perfectly; we find a reason to feel bad. A classic example is during those times when everything is going far too well, it feels too good to be true, and we look for ways to question, doubt and even complain about our good fortune! The good news is we can free ourselves.

1. Rising above
For some of us there may be a certain comfort in suffering, in being a victim, because we don’t have to take responsibility; it’s much easier to blame someone else for our own discontent. Some of us get lost in the suffering we have been through in the past, unable to embrace things anew or see them through fresh eyes. We then miss out on experiencing the beauty of the present moment. We need to restore our innocence and focus on the love within us and in the world. This requires rising beyond he discontent of the intellect, and embrace freedom and joy in every moment.
2. Living in the moment
Living in the moment helps us rise above the judgments and complaints of the intellect to embrace the world around us with innocent, joyful acceptance.  When we experience love-consciousness, we realize that everything is perfect exactly as it is. This does not mean we shouldn’t want to improve our situations and grow. Evolution is the nature of life, and everything is always moving forward; but if we choose to embrace the beauty of what is happening right now, instead of focusing on what we perceive as wrong, love grows, instead of fear

3. Taking responsibility
In order to find true freedom from suffering, we need to begin to find happiness within. As adults, we may resist taking responsibility for our dissatisfaction. It’s easier to blame the politicians, our parents, religion, pollution, our bosses, and so on. We can change our external circumstances ad infinitum, but in reality that will never change anything. The outside is just a mirror of our own discontent. Fulfillment, peace, joy, and love do not come from outside. 

4. Speaking the truth
In modern society, we have learned to lie all the time. We lie to please others,  to defend ourselves, and to hide the parts of ourselves we have learned to judge as wrong or inappropriate. We think, It’s just a little lie, but there are hundreds of them! Whenever we lie, we are abandoning ourselves; we are not loving ourselves. Whenever we modify ourselves in order to receive love, we are separated from self. In speaking our truth, on the other hand, we never compromise ourselves in the search of approval from the outside.
5. Free yourself now
We can find freedom from our addiction to suffering when we choose, instead, to focus on love.

Imagine when you look in the mirror

that the face looking back at you is someone you truly love.

Just imagine. . . 

Them, I miss

Taking a deep breath
exhale *sigh

today, i look back on the pictures in my storage
and how i miss them sooo much!
look at them. hellyeah!crazy isn' it?
with friend like them, who needs enemy right?
we fight like sisters, take care like brothers
aku cubit kau, kau cepuk aku
aku tampar kau, kau sepak kejar aku
bile nak habis...hehehe
peace yaww!

it has been 4years of laugh and tear we've been thru together
no matter what we are sisters..
lots of love

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Life as we know it

Here how it goes,
no matter how much i try to forget, u're still coming into my dreams and it turns out into a nightmare
and i hate it
what can i say
if youre it, youre it
i try time and again to see you in a different light..
with eyes untainted by social perception..
unheard of gossip and hate-speech..
but damn!!
you just had to go get in my face again..
cant you just leave quietly.. tail between legs..
i mean, seriously..
you ass has been handed to you the last time..
and you still have the nerve to show that snotty nose of yours..
claiming to still be on top when it is soo clear that you cant take the view..
just please..
at the end of it
dont pretend like its your decision to leave
because we all know that its u who cant afford to stay..

Thursday, May 19, 2011


When it started
I thought it will gonna be ok
At least,I have that thought
None now
Yes, I had zero
For having that fantasy
I'm not blaming u
Me neither
It is just a matter of time
But,mine could be
My mistakes
Or yours
Does it matters now?
I've striving all these time
To make the best of it, everytime
Seems like u're just part time person
Come n go as you please
Denying your right? No, not at all
Sounds snobbish? So be it
But yet I'm none of your friend who's the only one having that right
I'm left out and toying around all these time
But hey thanks
Now that I know,
Who's the one worth crying n who's not
I can't promise you a perfect relationship
But I can promise you is that as long as we're trying,
Then i'm staying

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Cooling hot

Profile A

after get to know for two days
man: would u like to join me for a dinner?
lady: huh?
man: a dinner,would u?
lady: too demanding
man: i'm having a dinner,if u want to join i would be happy
lady : no,not this time. no offense
man : ...

Profile B

man: i'm having a dinner
lady : with whom?
man : alone....
lady : owh, okay.

after 4 months
man : i have things to do at ..., and it would take me for lunch there
lady : works?
man : yeah ...
lady : okay
man : i'm having a lunch at RT
lady : alone again?
man : yes, accompany me?
lady : that's a question, women dont like question
man : *thinks
man : join me for lunch, lunch is on me.
lady : *grinning, the man cant see
lady : alrites,what time u'll be there?
man : 130pm, see u there ;)

p/s : women dont like a thrill 'date' and i'd prefer man in Profile B ,too damn cool! (;

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Back off

Dear you,
yes,this goes out to you
stop that irritating face
before this, you're just a piece of clot
used,chewed, and spit out
lifted,only to be thrown away
enough with the arrogance
i'm sick of it
but hey
we all are knocked down
but only you got washed away

Friday, March 11, 2011

Song that speaks louder than words

it's a Marry You song from BrunoMars!
and i'm blushing now.*ngeheeeee!
let the lyrics explains everything, u dont need to hit any words on that.;)
alrites,thank you messyboy!

p/s: in the middle of nite i'm babbling over all these crap.but who cares? heheh

Saturday, March 5, 2011

You're hired!


Having module all day long today
plus the mock interview (google it guys) ;)
i got the OSK investment bank co as my interviewer n dont have any idea how did i gotten into this co (i did know abt the co but what actually they did? i know NOTHING)

okay,here it goes:

interviewer A (a guy),we call him oren
interviewer B (a lady), lets call her lemon ..;)
and dont forget me (i'm the main character slash u to death if u forgot abt me.

me:'s my resume...*came into the room and put the CV on the table

both of them smiled n nodded

oren: have a seat
lemon: alright fiqa,tell us a little bit abt urself.
me: my name is ..bla..bla...bla...n i'm the eldest sister in family.

oren checking my resume

oren   : i saw u've done ur practikal training at petronas,do u a petronas scholar?
me      :nope..but i'm a pnb scholar...*ah shit!ape kau ckp ni fiqa.aigoo!hope they didnt even notice it
lemon  : owh,so you're a pnb scholar? meaning that u're bonded with them right?
me      : actually it is not exactly bonded bcause in the agreement it stated that the scholarship offered doesnt guaranteed me a job later.*pandai kau tempeleng..hehe
lemon  : ohh i see..let say if pnb offer you a job and we're too offering u the same.what co will u choose?
me      : definitely i will choose pnb.(it just came out from my mouth,haish!)

*both oren and lemon seems shock

lemon  : so you are saying that u will chose pnb instead of us?seems that u're not interested in this company. we're just an options. aren't u?
*big dush!

me     : thats not what i meant. i am interested in this company. it is just a nice way giving my priority to my scholarship company.(i dont think i should said like this)
lemon :alright,done with that.tell us what do u think abt foreign workers in our country.
me     : in my opinion,foreign workers issue doesnt give any benefit to our country.we're paying them n they're tranfering the money for their family. it would be such a waste. *ok,i'm stuck now.haish!
oren   : what do you know about futures derivative.

*i got stuck,blank, fact i know the answer. 

me    :my apology , i cannot answer the question yet but i'll try to explain on that if i got hired.
oren  : it's what do u think of the current economy.
me    :correct me if i'm wrong but now ringgit is tightening because of the drops in US dollar. and it affected by the rose of oil prices. and it is a good situation for malaysia i think.
lemon :explain about the IPO,wht do u know about it.
me     : IPO is offered by bla...bla..bla...*i wish this wasnt a crap.hee!
oren   : given a condition of bull market and bear market.what do u understand about those things?
*banyak la pulak kau tanye,nasib baik hensem
me     :bull market is where the transaction of shares and the flow of money in the market is heavily transacted.and bear market is a condition where...bla3....done...
lemon  : what is the relevant of having invested and giving out of it good or not?
me      : * a point of time,i got stuck...apology again..(ape je kau tau fiqa,adeh)

okay,the session reached the end.but....
me   : sorry may i ask one question?

*both of them said yes and nodded.

me   : are both of u came from recruitment team of osk or what? (berani nye kau fiqa tnye diorg,hehe)
oren  : *laughing

eh aku xsuruh gelak pun?? 

oren   :actually, we're not from osk,we're the alumni of uitm working at .............we come just t help u guys on how to face the interview session. And you're good enough even there are times u cannot deliver what u want to say correctly.(did he just compliment me???) ;D
me     : owh okay...(hampeh betul, i was thinking they're from osk*big sigh )

the end of session.
come out of the room,relieved.
but hey, life is short..whatever you do,always be cheerful n everybody will get into you just easily.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

Hocus Pocus!

Used to be like this*teeheee!

Its 24th of february now and the time for mingle-ling is so over!considering that the fact i'm a part 8 student*hellyeah? so what?
a bit serious fiqa? okayh, i'm serious more mingle-ness and fiddling around. ;D

when i look at all of my friends studying like, burning the midnight oil n staying up late for study.oh my effing God,plz help me...find me mood to study plisss!!
*for mom's sake ye fiqa?(i'm nodding now)hehe

alrites, get back to your study.

; hope i wont fall asleep on my books again *big grin 

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Hi there

Listening to : Yesterday, Toni Braxton
My mind completely went into circuit, absolutely in the middle of nowhere.
Mood : Bruises 

It’s been awhile n awhile since I left u bloggy! U’re dusty now..sorry,my bad.*urgh
Many things happened all these days and it kept reminding me on hows life doesn’t supposed as we want it to be.(-.-)

Lesson learnt:
First, all the things happened in Mesir really worry me. It keeps questioned my mind on how long ppl’s there want to live their life like that? The govt blocked all the connections, phone, and internet n sort of things. My family couldn’t contact my brother’s there and that bloody pm is insanely decided to downsize all the cabinets? Huh? c’mon, think wisely ppl. That doesn’t change anything unless u steps down n give way for a new 1. I was wondering why M’sia govt doesn’t want to bring Malaysians lived there back to Malaysia? I should take a deep n full of meaningful thought on that. *sigh

Second, the thought of coming home and I will have a rest for the whole week is so no no dream. We’re having a function at my house and I will be busy gearing on almost everything since I’m the only one child at the age >20.*pissed off

Next, my neighbor aka my mom’s best friend died and what surprised us was she doesn’t show any sign of unhealthy-ness in front of us. May Allah bless her always. (Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun)

Then, I bought a blackberry and I thought that gismo thing will complete me with my “gadget freak” habit. Guess what? NOT AT ALL,fullstop. I’ve been thinking n dreaming about an ipad now.*eyes drooling

That’s the quick updates from me.
Will update soon(;